refocus and delight
- striveandflourish
- Jun 17, 2022
- 3 min read
RELATIONSHIPS: PRUNING AND BOUNDARIES. I'm not sure when it actually happened. I used to be an introvert. I know, it's hard to imagine. It was comfortable for me to stay detached and extremely picky in who I associated with. Looking back, I think I avoided feelings of hurt and rejection. Trust became a big issue.
I can say I'm an extrovert now. I believe God has transformed my personality so I can be more open, more trusting, and less cynical. I find myself at ease with striking up a conversation with grocery store clerks and neighbors in my community. Serving at church has enriched my communication skills and empathy towards others. Building rapport and relationships became easier as my desire to share the Good News became stronger.
Are you one of those who want to keep friends for a lifetime? I'm one of those and I end up disappointed. Because of nostalgia, I hoped my friendships will last forever. One day, I realized that a relationship can only be for a season unless it is renewed over time and that God put people in our lives for a reason. I'm happy and content with my inner circle now. It has been years since I was active on social media so I delight when friends reach out without birthday reminders and recent posts on Facebook.
I came across a bible plan on the YouVersion app that I intentionally left incomplete and unfinished. because I want to share it with those struggling to let go of unhealthy relationships without feeling guilty and ashamed. I have been asked this question many times and wasn't articulate enough with how I answered it. Whoever wrote this plan took the words right out of my mouth and expressed how I felt about pruning and boundaries. This is quite lengthy since I'm attaching the entire third part of the devotional. Here goes... an excerpt from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover the Building Blocks of Great Relationships:
BREAKING BAD
The relationships we have can propel us toward our future or keep us chained to our past. That’s why it’s so important we approach all of our relationships wisely. When you surround yourself with the wrong people it impacts your thinking, your behavior, and your attitude in a negative way. Right relationships will encourage you, strengthen you and make you more like Christ.
Sometimes we have relationships in our lives that take more than they give. They might not take from us physically, but they drain us emotionally through, negativity, control, temptation and fear. So how do we deal with the relationships that aren’t helping us? While we can’t choose every relationship we have, we can choose to not let bad company have our ear, our mind and ultimately our heart.
We can reduce the impact of negative relationships and still be an example of Christ to them if we do a few specific things. First we need to make sure that we are spiritually and emotionally healthy. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to help others. Just like when flying on a plane; in the event of an emergency you place the oxygen mask that drops from your cabin on yourself first before helping anyone else. In the same way we need to make sure that we are spiritually and emotionally secure before we can reach out to help others.
The second thing we need to do is love freely while also standing firm. You don’t have to limit your love for them, but you can limit their access to you. That’s what Jesus did. He loved freely but not everyone had unlimited access to Him personally. He fed the multitudes, He taught the crowds, He commissioned seventy for ministry, He discipled twelve and even within that group He had three (Peter, James and John) that He gave special revelation. Having firm boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care about people, it means you care about the right relationships God has given you to make sure the people who need you get your best.
The last statement is a profound reminder for me: Having firm boundaries doesn't mean you don't care about people, it means you care about the RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS God has given you to make sure the people who need you get YOUR BEST. This bible plan is now completed. Shout out to my YouVersion friends!
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